


You're the demon I cling to

by the_little_ginger_potato



Category: Calvary (2014)
Genre: Biting, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Character Death, Church Sex, Drinking, Drug Use, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear of Death, Fire, Forest Sex, Gore, Hybristophilia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, LSD, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love Bites, Mental Health Issues, Multiple Orgasms, Mutilation, Outdoor Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Pregnancy, Prison, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge, Rough Kissing, Serial Killer, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Vaginal Sex, Wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 01:39:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15402150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_little_ginger_potato/pseuds/the_little_ginger_potato
Summary: WARNING!Please do read the tags because this work includes heavy triggers.I'm thankful for all my readers, for the comments and kudos. But no hate or shaming will be tolerated! I write fanfics as a hobby for free, so negative/hateful comments will be deleted immediately. English is not my first language, but I do my best to avoid making errors.Thank you for reading my work ♥-------------------------------------------------------I've been listening to these songs while I've been writing this fanfic, if anyone's interested:The Maine • VisionsAURORA • Murder SongBlue Foundation • Eyes on FireAmber Run • I foundLord Huron • The Night We MetDamien Rice • 9 CrimesPan's Labyrinth LullabyEleanor Tomlinson • Medhel an GwynsEveryone Likes Oranges • Penny Dreadful{ aesthetic} :https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa2dee136d247bb304eb9090f8e16e37/tumblr_inline_pce4b35SzP1r2uw84_1280.jpg





	You're the demon I cling to

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING! 
> 
> Please do read the tags because this work includes heavy triggers.  
> I'm thankful for all my readers, for the comments and kudos. But no hate or shaming will be tolerated! I write fanfics as a hobby for free, so negative/hateful comments will be deleted immediately. English is not my first language, but I do my best to avoid making errors.  
> Thank you for reading my work ♥   
> \-------------------------------------------------------  
> I've been listening to these songs while I've been writing this fanfic, if anyone's interested: 
> 
> The Maine • Visions  
> AURORA • Murder Song  
> Blue Foundation • Eyes on Fire  
> Amber Run • I found  
> Lord Huron • The Night We Met  
> Damien Rice • 9 Crimes  
> Pan's Labyrinth Lullaby  
> Eleanor Tomlinson • Medhel an Gwyns  
> Everyone Likes Oranges • Penny Dreadful
> 
> { aesthetic} :  
> https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa2dee136d247bb304eb9090f8e16e37/tumblr_inline_pce4b35SzP1r2uw84_1280.jpg

If it were to you, you’d have already been home but Linda kept nagging you for weeks that you should hang out together, since you’re colleagues after all. To be honest you weren’t thrilled by the idea to go to the pub with her, because you weren’t an outgoing person, but mostly because you couldn’t stand Linda. You just wasn’t the kind of person who went to work to befriend people, but only because you had to pay your rent, your bills and for that you needed money. No one really cared about your social anxiety, so you eventually said yes to Linda’s annoying repeated question, in hopes that this will be the last time you have to do this. 

 

As you were sitting in the pub, smoking a cigarette calmly you’ve rolled your eyes as Linda was already wasted. You sipped your Guinness with a bored look on your face, totally not being interested in what Linda was talking about, however you’ve glanced up once a new customer entered. It was a small town so even if you didn’t know the guy’s name, you’ve seen him a few times. He was studying to become a priest, at least that’s what you heard and assumed as you’ve seen him a lot in Father Lavelle’s company around the church. 

“Oh shit look at that guy’s hair, I bet his mum cuts it for him!” You would have loved to just stand up and leave Linda the fuck alone after the rude comment she’s made.  
“Shhh, you’re embarrassing us!” You shot a glare at Linda but apparently it didn’t use at all.  
“He must be a virgin, I mean look at his Beatle haircut.” It would already have been rude if your colleague would have whispered these words to you but sadly she’s been loud enough that the whole pub could hear her, including the brunette boy who she’s been mocking.  
“Okay…it’s enough. We’re leaving Linda…” You noticed how her words upset the young boy, who was around his mid-twenties. Once Linda finally got up and headed towards the exit you’ve cast your eyes briefly at the boy. “I’m sorry about my colleague.” On purpose you said ‘colleague’ and not friend because that was the truth. Especially after what she’s done you’d have never wanted to be her friend. You felt how the boy looked after you two, but you hoped that he’d soon forget about the stupid things Linda has said. 

 

It was around noon as you were walking along the forest to get to your flat, but it felt like it was taking forever as Linda either stopped to throw up or she was losing her balance. You would have loved to just leave her there but you weren’t that kind of a person. You pulled your jacket tighter around you. You only had a blue summer dress under it, so the chilly night made you to shiver. When Linda wasn’t mumbling or singing something horribly you could hear some nearby noises, but you didn’t think anything of it, as it could have been any nocturnal animal or someone going home just like you. 

Soon you heard a thudding noise, which didn’t make you nervous at all, because of Linda’s state you were sure she’s passed out but once you’ve turned back you’ve gasped as your torch revealed the brunette boy standing front of you. 

“Don’t scream or run…or I’ll have to knock you out too.” Your breathing became uneven as you’ve spotted the blood covered wrench in his hand. You were confused and you had no idea what was going on, but you did as he told. You were always the crappiest runner, even running after your bus in the mornings caused difficulties so you doubted you’d outrun the other, and screaming just sounded illogical right away.  
“I won’t…” You whispered on a shaky voice tone. At the light of your torch you could see how bothered his eyes were, seeing him up close you could tell that something was off about him. Was he always like this and the Father didn’t notice, or was he good at hiding it? You couldn’t see anything funny about the scenery so his smile utterly scared you.  
“Hold my hand.” You were reluctant but as you didn’t have any weapon with you, you slipped your hand onto his. Unlike your ice cold one, his hand was warm. The two of you walked back to Linda’s body, she was still breathing and moaning quietly probably from the pain. There was a small puddle of blood under her head. You watched as the brunette unzipped his backpack and soon pulled a rope out of it. “I’m Freddie.” You didn’t really know what to do, or say, so you hoped it was alright to introduce yourself, so you did. “Turn around, I’ll tie you.”  
“I won---I won’t go anywhere Freddie. I swear…please don’t tie me out here…I’ll freeze to death..” Honestly you were hoping that was his plan and not to actually kill you. However as he didn’t say anything and grabbed onto your hands, you didn’t protest. You dropped the torch down then once he’s tied your wrists and ankles together you were placed down on the ground. “Freddie…I’m so sorry about the things my colleague said, she’s wasted, she didn’t know what was she talking about…I’ve seen you before, with Father Lavelle, you seem like a really nice guy.”  
“Oh, I am. I’m a nice guy.” You gasped as he’s took a sharp big knife out of his bag then watched as he’s climbed then sat onto Linda’s lap. The first stab and the muffled scream made your whole body to shiver. A few tears ran down your cheek as he’s lifted the knife to his mouth and licked off the fresh blood. However selfish it seemed you weren’t crying because of Linda but because you feared that Freddie would do exactly the same to you too. You closed your eyes down tight as Freddie began to stab her repeatedly till her muffled groans stopped for good. “It’s so beautiful---how the light dies out of her eyes…and I become God.” As you opened your eyes again you sniffled and looked with begging eyes at Freddie. He was holding his green eyes at you but soon he’s cut the eye contact. You had to gather all your strength to not scream once he’s leaned down and bit off a piece of Linda’s neck. You felt nauseous and scared to death as you were witnessing how he was biting off pieces from her dead corpse and was chewing, then swallowing them. You wanted to keep your eyes shut but you were so scared that any minute he could do the same to you, you just wanted to keep a wary eye on him. You tried to be as quiet as possible with your crying so you’d not upset him. You gagged a bit as the smell of the corpse reached to you and especially when he’s cut an organ out and began to eat it. Thankfully the torch didn’t light him enough for you to see everything clearly, but it was enough to terrify you. You had no idea how much he ate from Linda’s body or how long it has been going on, but once he’s finished and crawled up towards you like an animal you were breathing faster and sobbed quietly.  
“Please don’t hurt me…please I’d never do any harm to you…” You held your eyes on his face as he hovered above you. His whole face and especially around his mouth was covered in thick blood just like his hands. His eyes were blurry, but thankfully his hands were empty and you couldn’t see his knife. You held your eyes on him as he’s undid the rope first around your wrists then your ankles before he’s pinned you down under him. He reached down to pull your panties off you. You never thought that such would actually calm you down, but at least for now you were safe from being murdered then eaten up by him.  
“Your friend was right. I am a virgin.” You held your eyes on him as he was becoming more upset especially as he had troubles with undoing his belt.  
“Freddie…hey…” You reached out carefully as you gently stroked his blood covered hand. “She’s not my friend, I’d never befriend bullies, and there’s nothing wrong with it if you’re still a virgin…okay? I’m honest.” You felt relived as he allowed you to hold onto his shaky hands. You continued stroking it as you’ve slipped your left hand onto his smooth cheek. He looked bothered but he seemed way calmer than before. You didn’t know whether it got to him what you’ve just said, but soon you let go off his hand as he’s began to undo his belt, then unzipped his jeans. You knew that everyone else would have behaved hysterical and aggressive if they were in your place, but you somehow froze down and the next thing you noticed that your legs were wrapped around Freddie and he slipped his hardened cock inside you. It’s been ages since you’ve been with anyone so you’ve bit down on your lips from the stretching pain for a while. You felt disgust as he’s leaned down and began to kiss you, you could feel the metal like taste of blood against your tongue but you didn’t push him off you. Your hands ran along his warm sweater as you’ve wrapped your arms around him. It took him only a few thrusts to reach his orgasm. You could hear his muttered ‘thank you’ during he was coming of his orgasm. You gently fondled his soft locks as he rested on top of your body, his cock still throbbing inside your tight hole. You’ve been lying there on the cold ground like that for a while, before he’s gotten up and picked up his rope and knife, what he’s stuffed inside his bag. You saw the wrench next to Linda’s body and you hesitated but eventually called for Freddie before he’d have gone. “The wrench….it’s next to her body, don’t leave it here. They’ll find fingerprints…” You sighed as he’s picked it up then shivered as he’s walked back to you and kissed you deeply.  
“I’ll come back to dig a hole for her. Go home.”

 

As you were standing under the shower rose of your flat you didn’t know what’s gotten into you. Why haven’t you dialed the police already? Why did you let him to just walk away? Why did you let him to touch you? You leaned against the cold wall of the shower as your hand slipped between your legs. You panted as you’ve pressed your palm tightly against your vagina. You’ve seen him. You tried to think about any other guy you’ve known or even celebrities, but it was Freddie who you’ve seen. You gave in to your mind, as your fingers slipped further up inside you. A moan left your lips as you’ve imagined him standing there in the shower with you. You pushed two of your fingers higher inside you. You felt shameful but you kept muttering his name, as you’ve added one more finger. You imagined those crazy pair of eyes looking down at you, his breathing against your skin. You ran your free hand onto your breast, you fondled your perky nipple as you began to push your fingers faster and harder inside you, against that sweet spot, till you’ve cried out from the intense orgasm.

 

You were walking near the shore, getting closer to the old church. You had no idea what’s gotten into you. You could have spent your Saturday at home, or anywhere else but here. You glanced at the building but as you couldn’t see anyone you’ve just walked to the edge of the small cliff above the shore. You rested your eyes on the growing waves, as the wind was blowing the big black scarf which was wrapped around your upper body. A small smile appeared on your face as you’ve looked aside and Freddie stepped next to you. He had a white elegant shirt tucked into his black pants, and he was standing there so shyly that you couldn’t even believe it was really him who did all those horrid things at night. As you were resting your eyes on him, you tilted an eyebrow as he’s reached his hand out but eventually you’ve held onto it, before you’ve cast your eyes back onto the water. 

“You didn’t call the police.”  
“No. I couldn’t.”  
“Did you want to?”  
“Maybe…I don’t really know what I want anymore.” You held your eyes on Freddie as he’s lifted your hand to his face, and soon rubbed his nose along it, inhaling in its scent. “Do you want to kill me too?”  
“No, but I want to taste you.” Goosebumps appeared on your skin as you felt Freddie’s teeth brushing along your skin, but you pulled it away eventually.  
“What are you doing at the church?”  
“I’m studying to become a priest.” You stepped up closer to him and rubbed your nose gently against his smooth shaven cheek.  
“Isn’t cannibalism a little against the Christian doctrines?” You whispered then panted a little as he tilted his head aside to kiss you. “If they will catch you, you’ll be sent to prison.” You whispered against his lips as you fondled his cute bangs aside a little. His arm wrapped around your waist and somehow it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable at all, on the contrary it calmed you.  
“No. I hope that they’d hang me.”  
“There’s no execution in Ireland, Freddie.” He crinkled his nose as a small pout appeared on his face but he smiled up a little as you pressed a kiss onto his forehead once you’ve tip toed. You both turned back once an older male called for him.  
“I have to go, Father Lavelle is actually someone who’s nice to me…”  
“And what about me?” You gently stroked his chest through his white shirt and smiled as he’s pressed a tender kiss onto your lips.  
“It’ll take an hour or so, wait for me.”  
“Okay.” His arm slipped off from your waist and you stayed there till you saw him walking inside the church. You felt that it couldn’t end well for either of you, but you couldn’t make yourself to go away. There was something in Freddie, you couldn’t explain yourself but for once in your life someone really made you feel alive, whatever it meant.

 

The sun was setting down as you were sitting at the edge of the cliff with Freddie, you had your head rested on his shoulder while you were holding onto his hand, with your legs hanging down. You inhaled the salty air and snuggled closer to Freddie. 

“We could always leave you know.”  
“I could never leave Ireland, I could never leave this town.” You agreed on that with him but you knew that staying would eventually lead to a bad outcome of this, already with that one corpse, unless he’s done it before.  
“I don’t want to leave it either, I love this place too much.” You wrapped your arms tighter around his torso as you’ve exhaled a bit shakily.  
“Why don’t you go and find yourself a normal guy?”  
“Whose normal nowadays? But seriously….and I don’t know. I just don’t want to leave you…if it makes any sense to you.”  
“Funny enough, it does.” You smiled a little as he’s pressed a kiss onto the top of your head.  
“Was this your first time? I mean killing someone.”  
“No—I killed a few girls but, this was the first time I had sex.”  
“Freddie…did you…eat from all of them?” As you shifted a bit you’ve cast your eyes up onto his face and saw the hesitant nod he’s eventually made.  
“Do you think I’m a monster?”  
“No…I mean….them and their relatives would probably think so, but I just think….I don’t want to offend you…”  
“Just say it, I want to know what’s going on in your head.”  
“I just think you’re ill.”  
“If you want to play Mother Theresa here and put me into a nuthouse then you can already leave me alone.”  
“I don’t…Freddie I’m sorry…I was only being honest with you. What I think is that you’re not a monster, you just have some issues.” As he seemed calmer and nodded, you leaned up and gently kissed his soft lips. You hummed as he’s pushed his tongue deeper, while his hand shakily reached out to touch one of your breasts. As he’s sunk his teeth onto your lower lip, you whimpered from the pain, but didn’t push him away. Freddie pulled your hand clumsily over to his bulge what you gently began to stroke. He panted against your lips and moaned once he’s bit deep enough to taste your blood.  
“Stroke it more, please.” You felt a little relief as he’s let go off your lips and just began to lick at the fresh wound. His voice sounded so fragile and needy. You cast your eyes around for a second but as no one was there you continued rubbing his erection through his black pants. “Ahhh…I really want you.”  
“We can’t do it here Freddie….anyone can see us here.” You stroked his cheek gently with your free hand while you allowed him to buck his bulge against your hand.  
You didn’t ask anything as he’s pushed himself up then pulled you along with him. You just rushed after his big steps, trying to keep up. Once you’ve entered the church you gasped as he’s pulled you into one of the empty confessional, the heavy curtain soon closing on you. He pinned you against the wall as he’s began to kiss and bite at your neck hungrily while he was humping needily against you through his pants. You felt the warmness between your legs, how you were craving to be with him. You quickly reached down to push your panties down, letting it drop till your ankles so you could step out of them. His bites weren’t unbearably painful but they were way rougher than usual hickeys. As soon as he’s unzipped his pants, you held onto him more before he’s thrust his cock up inside you. It was so wrong, everything about it, not to mention how fucked up it was to do it in a church but at that point you couldn’t really care anymore. You cupped his cheek gently to have him look at you. You muffled your moan as he’s kissed you longingly and began to thrust his cock faster inside you.  
“I’m so close Freddie…” You whispered against his lips and bit down on your lower lip as he began to fuck you harder. After a few more thrusts you’ve moaned against his shoulder from the orgasm you had. You held tight onto him as he’s shifted then sat down onto the small space in the confessional. He grabbed tight onto your shoulder as he began to thrust up hard inside you. You undid the few top bottoms of your dress and as soon as you’ve pulled it aside Freddie leaned forward. He began to kiss and bite at your breast lightly till he came inside you. You held your eyes on his blood covered mouth and chin. Your blood. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” You whispered as you’ve stroked his cute bangs, your fingers running along the silky locks.  
“What are you sins child?” You smiled with a small blush on your face as he’s played along with you.  
“I think I’ve fallen in love with someone…”  
“Is he a bad person?”  
“I don’t see him as one, Father…I just don’t know whether he would love me back.”  
“He would…he already does.” You kissed him back once his lips were locked against yours, and you began to ride on his cock as you felt how it got erect again inside you.  
“I’m afraid that he’d leave me..” You panted as he’s grabbed onto your ass cheeks and began to give you slow but deep thrusts.  
“He’d never…he feels like he can be himself only when he’s around you…”  
“Does he?” Freddie nodded while he was biting down on his lips to muffle his grunts. You stroked his cheek before you cuddled to him and once you’ve rested your forehead against him he began to thrust up hard inside you till he came.

 

It happened from one day to another that Freddie has moved into your apartment, and you didn’t stop him from doing so. You were lonely for so long, and even if you knew what he was, you loved him. Whenever he came home late you knew what he’s been probably doing but you didn’t ask questions from him, because when he was with you, he’s compensated you for the wait.

 

“Don’t you think it’s a bit crazy to swim? It must be way below ten Celsius….especially in your state.”  
You chuckled as you eventually let the towel drop onto the sand as you’ve had your bikini on you. Normally you’d have been self-anxious in such an outfit but no one else was on the shore. You smiled as Freddie slipped his hand onto your bumped belly before he’s kissed you.  
“Just swim with me Freddie, don’t make such a big deal about it.” You snickered as you already ran inside the cold water. You shivered and squealed as it was indeed cold, but you smiled as Freddie soon stripped off and ran right after you in his black swimming trunks. “We can pretend it’s a hot day and the water is lukewarm.”  
“My imagination isn’t as good as yours.” You splashed some water at him then chuckled how he eventually swam along with you then kissed you longingly as his arms were wrapped around you. You sighed as you’ve rested your forehead against his then it was enough to just cast your weary eyes at him as he’s given you a knowing look.  
“The news…” You tried to hold back your tears as you’ve cuddled more to him and rested your head on his shoulder.  
“I know, they’re all over with the lost girls and found corpses. But they won’t ever find out it is me.” You were worried that it wasn’t true.  
“If you leave us….”  
“But I won’t!” As you cupped his cheek and looked at him, soon some tears ran down on his face, just like on yours. He pressed his shaky lips against you. You returned the kiss longingly while you’ve been fondling his soft cheek. You felt like your heart was stabbed when you heard his sobbing, you hugged him tight to yourself as the waves splashed against you. You knew you had issues, some serious issues for loving a murderer, but as you were in love with him, you were worried. He just wasn’t the confident perfectionist type of killer and as the police were finding more and more clue it was making you so anxious and scared that one day they’ll catch him. Once you’ve swam back to the shore you laid down in the sand next to each other, holding hands. The sun was shining down on you, but even like that the air was cold. As you rolled onto your side and rested on your elbow you held your eyes on Freddie. You’ve been wondering what made him to be like this. However anytime you tried to start such conversation he seemed to be too sensitive and reacted badly, so you didn’t bring it up again. You were in your thoughts when he’s cast his green eyes at you. No one would have understood what you felt for him, but it was more than love, you’d have been eager to sacrifice yourself for his safety. You saw the true innocence and trauma in those eyes, and you didn’t see a monster, you saw a broken young man.

 

Everything changed on that night. It’s been raining heavily outside, you were keeping your eyes on the street from your room for hours as Freddie didn’t come home since last night, he’s been away for a whole day, and you had no idea where was he. You trembled as soon as the door was torn open. He was in a soaked red hoodie but you gasped as you’ve spotted his messy face covered in blood.  
“Oh…my…my God! Are you out of your mind? What if someone saw you?” You quickly pulled in the curtain, though as he’s pushed you and you’ve fell on the floor, he scared you. He’s never been hundred per cent sane but his behavior was unknown to you that night.  
“I love it…I tore her apart….I really became God…I swear this time..I---I saw it all!” You backed off along the floor as he’s been getting closer to you. His snickering and odd behavior gave you the creeps. You had nothing to defend yourself with, and as you were in your fourth month of pregnancy you didn’t even want to fight, in fears that he’d hit your stomach either on purpose or by accident. You pushed yourself against the wall next to the bed to get as far as possible from him. You were panting loudly as he got down on all fours and crawled up slowly towards you. You lightly pressed your feet against his chest to keep him away from you and your baby, but you groaned up in pain as he’s bit down on your ankle. You never minded his deeper love bites but this time it was different. You managed to kick onto his shoulder as you’ve crawled up onto the bed, even then you didn’t want to call the police but the hospital, however as soon as you’ve reached for the phone he’s knocked it out of your hand and pinned you against the white mattress. Your ankle was bleeding but his expression with the blood dripping out of his mouth scared you more.  
“Freddie…please…please don’t..” You were shivering and gasping for air as he’s torn your nightwear off you then ran his nose along your skin, inhaling in your scent deeply. You screamed up once he’s bit down on your shoulder tearing the flesh off. You were doing everything you could to kick him off, to push him away but from the shock and tiring pregnancy with the lot of throwing up you couldn’t get away from him. Your whole body tensed up as he’s ran his warm tongue along your cheek, while he’s been humping your naked lap through his pants needily. “I love you….don’t do this..” It was obvious that you couldn’t reach him, he wasn’t reacting to anything what you’ve said. As he’s reached down to unzip his pants, you’ve slapped him up, but he was completely unfazed by it. “No! Freddie don’t! No!” You screamed as he’s thrust himself inside you but he’s soon covered your mouth. When he brushed his teeth along your chin then your cheek you were screaming panicked against his palm and tried your best to push him away but once he’s bit onto you, you blacked out, the pain was too unbearable and you were in a shock. 

 

You had no idea how long you’ve been out, but you’ve woken up for a quiet sobbing and sniffling. Once you’ve seen Freddie sitting at the edge of your bed you pushed yourself up to sit, and shift farther however you stopped. He didn’t look anything like he did at night. 

“I---I’m so sorry….” You just now felt the overwhelming pain along your body as you were fully awake. “I took in some LSD and…I can’t even remember what---what I’ve done.” As Freddie pulled the white blanket off your naked body you gasped as you were covered in several open wounds. “The police will be here in any minute now…I had to give it up…” You didn’t say anything but as he’s handled a small mirror to you, gesturing to look into it, you’ve covered your mouth from the shock. The deep wound, which was almost like a hole on the left side of your face horrified you. The oncoming salty tears stung badly. You dropped the mirror down onto the bed but before you could have said anything the door was broken open, several cops storming in and pointing guns at Freddie. You quickly pulled the blanket on you, but considering the wound on your face they let you be and only paid attention to Freddie. He was a shivering and crying mess but did everything they asked from him. You locked eyes before he’s left. You could see that he was sorry and he probably wouldn’t have done anything like that night if it weren’t for the drugs but it happened, and it couldn’t be undone.

 

It took you months to recover physically and mentally to the point to visit him, but just when you stepped into your seventh month you’ve made up your mind. The genuine smile on his face warmed your heart even if you were still upset about what has happened. It hurt you to see him with cuffed hands, but you were just happy enough to see him again. It wasn’t the same as before. Your hair was combed to the left, just so it would cover as much as possible from the hideous stitched up wound you had. Even if the guard snapped at you, you reached out to stroke his cheek before you’ve sat down front of him. 

“I missed you…you didn’t come for so long…I was worried about you, and our baby.”  
“I---I missed you too Freddie…I just couldn’t come..the baby is fine. It’s a girl…the doctor said she seems to be healthy.” You nervously combed the left side of your hair with your fingers to let it drop more onto your face. It was a bad habit you’ve developed since you had that scar.  
“They beat me up, the other inmates. Every single day.”  
“Good.” You tried to be cold and even if you were supposed to feel nothing, against all the things your psychiatrist said, you felt sorry for him, and once the word left your mouth your tears already gave it away that you felt pity for him. “They didn’t hurt you too badly, right?” Instead of answering Freddie just shook his head but from the way he was sitting there you were pretty sure that his body was full of bruises. “Freddie…I—I can’t stay here, all the looks, the news still being all over your case…I feel like they’d make a sensation out of our daughter. I can’t ruin her life…do you understand me?” You looked down at your lap as he began to cry quietly. It hurt you so much, but it wouldn’t be good at all for either of you. After a few minutes you unzipped your bag and took a small picture out of it, the ultrasound screen caption, with your baby on it. You slipped it front of him on the table, and you covered your face as he began to cry more.  
“Please stay…stay for me.”  
“I can’t…I’m so sorry….I can’t ruin our daughter’s life. The media would ruin her, the people would ruin her.” You reached out to take the picture while you held your tearful eyes on him. “I wish I could take you with us.”  
“I do belong here.” His answer made you to cry more as deep down you knew he was right.  
“I don’t bear to see you like this…it’s breaking my heart…” You panted as more tears ran down your face and you got up from the chair. Ignoring the guard you leaned down and kissed him on the lips till the guard came to pull you away from him. “I will write to you…everyday…”  
And you did. You didn’t lie about it or exaggerated, you’ve been writing to him every single day. Before you’d have left the prison that day you gave money to its director, to make sure they’d give him all the letters. You trusted and hoped that he’d indeed get them all. You also asked the director to watch out for him when he could because of how the inmates were treating him, but even if he promised you were pretty sure the prisoners would take every opportunity to hurt him. Such hypocrites, as if any of them were better than him or entitled to bring justice.

 

The view front of you could almost said to be idyllic if you’ve put a little fantasy in it. You held your eyes on your daughter, her braided brown locks in two cute ponytails. She was drawing something for Freddie as she was sitting on his lap. Upon your request and knowing how Freddie didn’t misbehave at any of his visiting he was allowed to have his daughter near him. Ciara looked a lot like him, she was a pretty girl. You’ve came back once she’s turned four, she’s been asking way too much. She wanted to get to know her father and you’ve been missing him too badly to stay away any longer. You’ve been visiting him many times a week, either with your daughter or on your own. Of course your therapist and your whole family were against you going back, but Ciara was never as happy as she was before. Anytime you picked her up from school she’s been excited about visiting her dad, every morning she had the same question whether we’ll visit him. Since Ciara and you began to visit him almost on a daily basis, you noticed how the guards began to treat him differently, they looked at him differently. To Ciara’s fifth birthday the guard uncuffed Freddie and allowed him to play with Ciara. You never stopped loving him, you could never be with another man, because he had the only place in your heart.

 

However after a while the visits weren’t enough, anytime he touched your hand you could feel how badly he wanted you, you could see the sadness in his eyes, and whenever you saw bruises or a black eye on him you felt his pain. You were crying almost every night as you were holding your eyes on the empty space in your bed. Ciara wasn’t making it easier as she’s been becoming older she wanted Freddie to come home and live with you. Considering the several dead bodies and the way they’ve been killed you knew they would never let him out. The situation was sad but it struck a nerve in you when Freddie said some inmates threatened to kill him. 

 

As you were leaned against the ferry’s railing you cast your eyes onto your five year old daughter sleeping in her father’s arms. You could barely see the shores of Ireland anymore because of the distance and the fog. It was painful to leave it all behind, but you knew you couldn’t stay. Eventually you sat down next to Freddie and kissed him deeply, then you gently stroked Ciara’s back. You couldn’t believe that you’ve made it and you were leaving Ireland behind. 

The guards weren’t checking your bag for a long time since you’ve been visiting Freddie daily, especially with your daughter too. You lied to Father Lavelle that you and your daughter were in danger so he got the gun for you, while you took care of the gasoline. You shot the guard down, it even shocked Freddie because you didn’t tell him anything about your plan. You shot a few more guards down before you poured the gasoline along the place before you threw a lighter down and ran out with Freddie. In the big chaos the guards outside didn’t pay attention to you. Ciara was waiting outside with the luggage in the cab and you right away drove to the ferry. You wanted to leave Ireland before the news would be all over what happened and the disappearance of Freddie. 

 

Once you’ve arrived to Wales you quickly went to public toilet, where you dyed Freddie’s locks and cut it shorter. You didn’t know whether you could start a new life, but something told you that he’s changed. The things the inmates did to him in the prison throughout years have broken him. Moreover the presence of Ciara seemed to cure him too, however strange it maybe sounded. 

 

“I miss daddy’s bangs.” You snorted how Ciara plopped down onto her father’s lap and pressed the short blonde locks down as if she tried to get the bangs back, but of course she couldn’t, so she just puffed out her cheeks.  
“Come on, I think he looks really pretty, doesn’t he?” You took one more glance out of the inn before you walked towards them.  
“Yeah…he is!” You smiled how Freddie pressed a kiss onto Ciara’s forehead then you walked up to them and wrapped your arms around the both of them.  
“Thank you…for everything.” He whispered into your ear and you gently kissed his tears away before you snuggled to them. 

 

You quietly closed the door of Ciara’s room before you walked over to the double bed where Freddie was already lying. As soon as you sat down beside him the both of you leaned in for a kiss. You quietly moaned against his tongue as he pushed it inside your mouth, it was warm and felt so good to feel him again. Freddie hissed as you’ve pulled the woolen sweater off him, and you had tears gathering up in your eyes as you’ve seen how there was barely any spot on his chest where he didn’t have dark bruises. You lowered down as he pressed kisses all over them. You helped him out of his pants, and the state of his legs weren’t any better. “I hope all those fuckers who did this to you burned in the flames.” You mumbled as you took your dress off and smiled how Freddie pulled you to himself. You soon took your panties and bra off as well while you were making out passionately. He soon got on top of you and once he pushed his underwear down he thrust his cock inside you. “Sshhh…shhh…Ciara will hear us..” You quietly shushed him as he’s been giving out loud grunts with every single thrust. You closed your eyes down and pressed your aching pussy tight against his cock as he began to suck on your nipple. You ran your fingers along his short blonde ones. You blushed as he whispered he wish you’d be lactating. “We can have another baby you know.” You answered quietly then you held your eyes on him as he wiped your hair away to look at the still visible scar on your cheek. “Don’t even apologize….you didn’t know what you were doing…I love you Freddie.” You helped him to place your legs against his chest and shoulder, as he sped up his thrusts. You covered your own mouth as you felt close to your orgasm and you whimpered as you hit your orgasm, soon after Freddie did as well, you hugged him tightly to yourself as he broke out into tears, but soon you began to cry as well.  
“I was so scared. They…they were kicking and hitting me…they…they didn’t rape me like ….like you know…but they put the broomstick up…and it hurt, it hurt so badly…I wanted to kill myself almost every single night, but you and…and then Ciara…I knew I have to hang on, because of you…” You hugged him tight to yourself and pressed kisses onto his cheek. 

He’s changed, and there wasn’t a single sing of aggression or violence on him from that day on, but the change already started in the prison, you felt that. When you saw the news how every prisoner died in the fire you smiled and felt like they got back what they deserved, no matter how cruel your way of thinking might seemed. As there was no footage of your escape Freddie was assumed to be dead as well, so you were safe and the three of you could start your new life in hopes of it being a happy one.


End file.
